In my last blog I wrote about what the type of teaching job I thought I would have after graduating from college. Some of you may know that I applied to Teach for America in hopes of working to better the educational plight of inner city schools. I was not accepted. While I was devastated at the time, I eventually decided I would teach in the same type of area typically served by Teach for America Corps members. So I applied and got a job site unseen outside of Phoenix. While I succeeded in moving to a random place to assert my independence, I was teaching in the suburbs, not really the urban atmosphere I was expecting. This turned out to still be quite the stretch for me in comparison to the rural schools I was used to in Montana growing up. As such, I was rather ignorant of the various problems and issues my students had to deal with on a regular basis at home and which, naturally, affected their performance at school. While I have numerous anecdotal stories I could share to illuminate my teaching experience, at this point I will focus on the lessons I learned about myself and schools in general.
1) I’m not as patient as I thought I was: I always considered myself to be an extremely patient and easy going person. I’d heard from people and felt myself that it took a lot to rile me up or get me frustrated. Working with middle school students turned that upside down! The little darlings learned very quickly how to push my buttons and put my calm demeanor to the test. Furthermore as twelve and thirteen year olds, they are very concrete thinkers and explaining abstract concepts was often more trying than I anticipated!
2) I’m not as good at concealing my emotions as I thought I was: In my every day interactions with people I tend to be rather guarded with my thoughts and feelings. This isn’t the case once I get to know a person and feel comfortable opening up, but in general I’m told people have a hard time “reading” me. Needless to say I was stunned when I started over hearing students as they passed one another in the hallway, “Today’s a good day. She’s happy today.” Or better yet “Watch out! She’s not smiling today.” They’re 12 for heaven’s sake! I had to constantly consciously evaluate my mood and the body language I was portraying from interacting with one student to the next, the beginning of class to the end, and from one class to another.
3) Teaching is both emotionally fulfilling and draining: I definitely had days where working with students felt like the most natural thing in the world for me. It’s a great sensation to realize that a well prepared lesson is successful in meeting the needs of your students. But as a new teacher, these “Ah ha!” moments were an emotional high that were rather few and far between. Standing up in front of 120 squirrely 7th graders day after day requires a ton of energy and like I said before, some days I fared better than others. I learned very quickly that I needed to find time to “recharge” daily or I became crabby! Being involved in my church, praying, and an intense exercise routine provided this much needed energy. I have also come to realize that I love working with people of all ages and teaching, but in the future I want to teach people about God. I’m working on this J
4) It’s way harder to engage and motivate students than I thought My school was similar to what I perceived urban schools would be like in that I had no science budget for materials and all we had for the curriculum was a set of rocks and minerals. All the experiments and lab activities I felt were essential for engagement had to come out of my own pocket. Thus the theory of teaching in a fun, creative, engaging way, was tempered by the fiscal reality of having 120+ students to provide for. Besides this physical reality, the time and energy required is enormous and is difficult to maintain year round. But when it works…boy does is it worth it! At the risk of sounding like an old foggy, I will also say that in this age of digital entertainment it is challenging to keep the students attention at even a fundamental level. I often felt like I had to be a dog and pony show up there in front of the class trying to keep them engaged. That being said, by necessity I have become way more confident speaking in front of people!!
5) The best way to reach students is to relate to them: I have seen the following mantra played out time and time again in my classroom: “Students don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” At times, both in my frustration and elation, I would forget that my students were kids at heart and wanted/needed to be loved and appreciated. I did much better by far at this my second year. Initially, (and to be honest it still is) it was hard for me to let students in, to let them see me as a human being with likes and dislikes just like any other person. Admitting my humanity and refusing to remain aloof was one of the best lessons I learned in terms of gaining others’ respect. One of the reasons this was so hard, was because as much as I hated to admit it, students could be hurtful. Even though I would repeat to myself over and over they’re 12, they’re 12, they’re 12 a few students said some really abusive things to me my first year that cut me to the core. But eventually I realized that I couldn’t let a few students who were obviously taking their personal issues out on me dictate how I would relate to the rest of my students. 
Another key way I learned to connect to students was through humor. Personally, I love to laugh and have fun, but for some reason it took me awhile to figure out how to incorporate humor in my classroom. Speaking of a “dog and pony show,” by the end of my second year I had several moments when I felt like I was truly in my element up there looking out at a bunch of 7th graders laughing or rolling their eyes (in the way middle schoolers do to make it seem like they don’t care when they really do) as I cracked some corny science joke or explained something in an amusing way or, for that matter, just acted like my crazy self! Imagine that J
6) Our public schools are badly in need of meaningful reform: I went into my school believing this and I leave with even more of an affirmation. For the most part I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but I’ll vent a few of my main frustrations briefly here. Schools need more money, not just for salaries, but for basic supplies. It is ridiculous, outrageous even to expect teachers to purchase their own materials for class. People who say the schools get too much money haven’t spent a day in a classroom. Large class sizes are also detrimental to all students because teachers can’t possibly meet the needs of 35+ students to the same extent that they could with 25 or fewer. Our effort to improve reading and math skills in all students has made all other subjects fall by the wayside. My students came to me as 7th graders with essentially no science background. No teacher would “waste time” on a subject that isn’t on the state standardized tests. As such I had to spend more than half my time building background before I could even get to grade level standards that, in my opinion, even had to be “dumbed” down further. We are drowning in a bog created by “no child left behind” which is solely driven by standardized tests that, in theory, are supposed to intrinsically motivate students. But the students have learned that these tests have essentially no bearing on their lives because “they can’t be a child left behind.” Holding students back, or failing them, is no longer an option because in theory it means that students’ needs just aren’t being met by a good enough teacher, but in reality it means that the students have learned they will go on to the next grade regardless of what their classroom grades or test scores are so they don’t bother trying. Thus we end up with a system that puts intense pressure on teachers with essentially no buy in from the students.
Whew! That in a nutshell is where I’m at after spending much of the last month processing and evaluating my last two years. Overall, I am extremely grateful for the experience. I loved my team, my administration and working with students. What I didn’t love were the politics and the overwhelming sense that I wasn’t valued as an educational professional in the community/Arizona at large. I can’t help but feel guilty for what feels like bailing on the public schools by to teach at a prestigious private school with small class sizes, money for supplies, and a higher salary. But while all that is true, it’s tempered by the fact that I’m also moving to be closer to my friends and for the opportunity to teach at a religious school. Since I’ve begun the discernment process I think it will be valuable for me to explore what it will be like to incorporate my faith and my professional life.
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